A young couple found themselves facing a significant discrepancy in their incomes while employed at the same company, a situation that came to light before their engagement. Despite this, when the young woman expressed a desire to leave her job after their engagement, social media speculation branded her as a gold-digger, a label her fiancé vehemently refutes.
Seeking guidance on the AITAH subreddit, a 30-year-old engaged man shared his dilemma and feelings of guilt over the situation. He recounted how he, a researcher at a prominent tech firm, crossed paths with his 26-year-old fiancée two and a half years ago at their workplace during an event.
The original poster (OP) was instantly captivated by his fiancée, who worked in marketing, and he took the initiative to ask her out. Their relationship blossomed, buoyed by mutual admiration, with the OP particularly appreciating his fiancée’s exceptional organizational skills. He expressed pride in her proficiency in handling marketing events and planning, which often demanded long hours and meticulous attention to detail.
In contrast, the OP’s role entailed more predictable hours at his desk job, with minimal overtime requirements. Despite this, his fiancée frequently lamented the perceived disparity in their workloads, feeling burdened by the demands of her job while observing the relative ease of his.
The OP also disclosed his neurodivergent condition (ADD), acknowledging his fiancée’s invaluable support in assisting him with organizational tasks. He praised her patience and the positive impact she had on his life, attributing her presence to significant improvements in various aspects of his life.
At one point, OP’s partner moved in with him, prompting their first discussion about finances. While she was aware of his financial stability, she was taken aback when she learned the extent of his earnings, given his favorable compensation package.
The revelation surprised both of them, as it emerged that OP makes 15 times more than his partner. In response, OP offered to cover all expenses related to their shared living arrangements, allowing her to focus on saving to pay off her student debt, which she had temporarily paused at the time.
The Reddit user, who owns their apartment, had previously discussed financial contributions with his then-girlfriend. They decided to split expenses proportionately based on their respective incomes, a system that suited his partner well, given her self-sufficiency and independence.
Just a month before making his Reddit post, the user got engaged to his girlfriend. Although she had never made extravagant requests, she expressed a desire for a diamond engagement ring priced at nearly $15,000. While the user felt uncomfortable with the high cost, his fiancée convinced him it was a worthwhile investment as she would wear it for a lifetime. However, he noted that she often brought up the ring’s price when showing it to others.
OP found himself increasingly uncomfortable as his fiancée persisted in mentioning the cost of her engagement ring, despite his repeated requests to refrain from doing so. The day before he posted on Reddit, she asked him to join her on the couch for an important discussion.
To his surprise, she revealed her intention to quit her job the following month, giving just a 15-day notice. Perplexed, he inquired about the sudden decision, and she explained her desire to focus on planning their upcoming wedding, slated for the summer. Eager to secure bookings and arrangements, she felt quitting her job would afford her the time needed.
Concerned, OP questioned the necessity of quitting her job for wedding planning, especially considering her outstanding student loans. His fiancée countered by emphasizing their partnership and her lower income compared to his, dismissing worries about her debt. When pressed about her long-term plans post-wedding, she admitted to not having thought that far ahead.
OP suggested that his fiancée take a break from work but expressed discomfort with the idea of her abandoning her career at such a young age, particularly since they had no immediate plans for children. He stressed the importance of her maintaining independence even after marriage, citing the need for financial security in case of unforeseen circumstances.
Their conversation escalated into a heated argument, with his fiancée feeling hurt by his insistence on her continuing to work despite their financial stability. OP admitted that her decision to quit wouldn’t significantly impact their finances but admitted feeling uneasy about it.
Seeking advice from Reddit users, OP questioned the validity of the concept of a stay-at-home fiancée. He explained his desire to support his fiancée and provide a comfortable life but expressed concern that she was leaving her career prematurely.
Responses from Reddit users varied, with some expressing skepticism about OP’s fiancée’s motives, suggesting she might be a gold-digger aiming to capitalize on his financial stability without contributing to it.
OP returned to provide an update on the situation a few days later. He shared that after taking some time to gather his thoughts, he had a conversation with his partner to better understand her reasons for wanting to quit her job. During a calm and ordered dinner, he approached the topic again, aiming to be more supportive this time and asking questions with genuine interest.
Initially defensive, OP’s partner eventually opened up, expressing her frustration that her work didn’t feel meaningful as she struggled to contribute financially to their relationship. OP emphasized that he valued her skills and contributions in her field, highlighting the effort she had invested to advance in her career within a large organization. He also raised concerns about their financial security and the uncertainty of his own job due to potential layoffs.
Acknowledging his points, OP’s partner admitted feeling overwhelmed by the tasks leading up to their wedding day. She described her job as draining, leaving her with little energy by the end of the week, and expressed a desire to plan their wedding from a more positive and stress-free place.
Reflecting on the situation, OP recognized the engagement ring as a potential red flag. His partner assured him that she intended to seek employment after their wedding and honeymoon, albeit in a role with more predictable hours. She even discussed the possibility of pursuing a master’s degree, emphasizing that she didn’t aspire to be a trophy wife and wanted to contribute meaningfully to their future together.
The couple concluded with OP saying he thought her compromise was fair, and she planned on resigning that week. OP said he understood why people called her a gold-digger and understood where they came from since he grew up poor and tried not to show off to his family because not everyone has what he has.
He felt his fiancée had fallen into “that version of me,” but believed if he trusted her enough to marry her, he also had to trust his perceptions of her.
He acknowledged the engagement ring and her excitement to show it around but felt most of his colleagues’ spouses also had more admirable rings.
Once again, Reddit users weighed in, with one saying, “Yeah ring was a huge red flag. It seems like as soon as she heard what he makes her eyes lit up with $ signs. Now she wants the lavish lifestyle and doesn’t seem interested in op’s opinions. Don’t let her quit.”
“Get a pre-nup, because, shocker, she will not go back to work after the wedding,” added another reader. “She’s never going back to work lol,” believed someone else.
“Her plan is to literally quit her job and let OP pay for everything, including her independent debts… so she can focus all of her attention on planning every intricate detail of a wedding that she will be contributing nothing at all to? What is her plan beyond that ONE DAY? To just, basically… exist?” a Reddit user questioned.
In response to OP’s update regarding his parents’ insistence on marrying his fiancée in 2024, one commenter remarked, “You lost credibility when you mentioned that your parents are pressuring you to get married this year. It’s hard to see you as a successful adult if you’re still being dictated to by your parents.”
Another reader suggested, “Consider hiring a wedding planner. Who quits their job just to plan a wedding? OP, it seems like she’s not interested in working anymore and could be setting you up for future problems. Make sure to get a prenuptial agreement and take charge of birth control decisions yourself.”
“Being happy is important, but it’s crucial not to be naive. Consider getting a prenuptial agreement. It’s unlikely she’ll return to work, and you could end up responsible for significant alimony payments since she hasn’t worked since your engagement. While hoping for the best, it’s wise to prepare for the worst and secure your future,” advised a concerned Redditor.
If you found OP’s story intriguing, you’ll likely be captivated by another tale involving a real gold digger who targeted a wealthy businessman, only to be exposed by him instead. Click here to delve into this fascinating story.