I’m Married And Have No Desire To Raise Kids

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Living Childfree

“Wow, where to begin? Hi, my name is Marcela. I am 25, married to my high school crush, have two spunky and handsome dogs, and I am childfree.

I hate to define myself as that Christian girl who doesn’t want kids, but then again, I think it’s important to share my story and be as honest and open in hopes at least one person out there feels less alone and knows there is a community for them. It all started about a year ago, but I’ll backtrack even more to when I was a kid.

woman in white shirt smiles in selfie
Courtesy of Marcela

Christian Upbringing

Unlike most little girls, I have never dreamed or fantasized about being a mom and I never played with dolls. Granted, I do have three older brothers so I was quite the free-spirited tomboy (sorry, Mom). I am Christian, like I mentioned earlier, and I am very involved with my church and religion for that matter.

If you’re in any kind of religion, you will know they are (for the most part) centered around family and the traditional mom, dad, kids (plural cause ain’t no Christians out here having just one kid, if you know what I mean). So during my teenage years, I just always thought that once I was an adult and found a husband, I would get married, and BOOM! I would have a desire to have kids.

woman poses with face painted like a skull
Courtesy of Jillian Farnsworth Photography

Becoming A Nanny

Well, I’m 25, my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years now and still nothing. No desire. In fact, it’s quite the opposite now. I will say I do love kids.

So much so I nannied for 2 years Monday through Friday, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., and loved it!

I genuinely loved the kids I worked with and they were cute and fun to be around! I will say nannying was my first experience with childcare.

I’m the youngest so I never had to take care of siblings while mom and dad had date night. Let me tell ya, my eyes were opened after the first week of nannying and I realized, ‘Holy cow, I don’t want to do this whole mom thing, ever.’

woman in red shirt scrunches hair
Courtesy of Marcela

Like I said, I loved the kids I worked with but the responsibility and tiredness (and I didn’t have to be with them the entire day, just 8 hours) was too much to handle! As the years went on, my patience grew thin and I realized taking care of kids for a job was as far as I would go. When 5 p.m rolled around, I was done. Physically, mentally, emotionally done.

Now before you say, ‘Oh but they’re not your kids,’ ‘It’s different when it’s yours,’ ‘You experience a different kind of love when you have a child’—I’ll just stop you right there. I’m not asking for your advice or criticisms, I’m just sharing my honest truth.

I’m not the kind of person to give others advice on how to live their lives, so I expect that from others as well. Granted, when I said I don’t want kids, I never get the grace and acceptance I reciprocate, but that’s okay.

woman poses next to negative comments
Courtesy of Marcela

Adopting A Puppy

Fast-forward to the start of the pandemic, my husband and I adopted (you already know) a puppy! It was amazing and I fell in love with his floppy little ears and round belly in an instant! He was perfect. In retrospect, that’s probably how moms feel when the doctor lays their newborn baby on their chest… minus the floppy ears.

As much as I loved this little addition to our family, it was hard work. If you’ve ever had a puppy, you already know the struggles. Potty training, letting them out two to three times a night, making sure they learn simple commands… I could go on for days, but it’s not easy!

couple poses with two dogs
Courtesy of Marcela

As my husband and I navigated puppyhood, we did get into some verbal fights because of lack of sleep and nerves at an all-time high. It was tough for that first month and even though I already knew I didn’t want to have kids, that was another testament kids just wouldn’t be good for us.

Now, you might be thinking, ‘Well, just like anything it’s a learning curve, you get used to being a mom and it’s wonderful blah, blah, blah.’ I don’t want kids. I’d like to think after being a nanny, I would be an excellent mom and be able to logistically make it work, but the desire isn’t there.

Not even a teeny tiny bit. And if you know anything about desire and passion, if it’s not there things just don’t work out. You have to want it to make it work.

Trust me, I’ve wished so bad I could have a desire to be a mom and be just like everybody else, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact I’m not like everybody else and I genuinely believe my mission here on earth is different and not to be a ‘traditional mom.’

childfree woman stands in pink pants
Courtesy of Marcela

Embracing The Childfree Lifestyle

I love my life so much and I am so happy to be where I am right now in this moment. I have embraced the childfree life and want other men and women to know this lifestyle is a journey, and not an easy one at that. But, I am here for you and your decisions should not be a topic of gossip or discussion by naysayers.

Living my best life looks like going on breakfast dates with my husband while my pups stay at home chewing on their favorite peanut butter flavored bones and spontaneous weekend getaways! You’ve only got one life, so live it the way you want to. Whether that’s having a bunch of kids or not. Live YOUR best life.”

childfree married couple embrace
Courtesy of Jillian Farnsworth Photography

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Marcela. You can follow their journey on Instagram. Do you have a similar experience? Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.

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